You're my Jade, Phoenix
by MikiLikesTrees
Summary: Effy and Phoenix are forced to leave home after Anthea's depressive state starts to get worse again. Along with the fitch twins and Naomi, they create a new life. Is it enough? Rated T for abuse, cutting, suicide and possible smut. Pairing - Keffy/Naomily
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Running

**Disclaimer - I do not own skins, but if I did it would be pretty crazy.**

Mum and Dad were screaming at each other, again and I wished they'd just gotten over it. Everything had been going so well. Tony was visiting more regularly, Anthea was getting better and I hadn't self harmed for a few months. Today I had given in to temptation.

But that was nothing compared to Effy, who seemed most affected. She had been so happy but now whenever I saw her, her face was just full of misery. She didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be here. We both knew that we had to get out, but it was just a matter of when.

I locked the door of Effy's old room, seeing as she now had Tony's, and plugged my ipod touch into the large computer hard drive at my desk. I flicked through my iTunes library until I found what I was looking for – _Crisis_. I had made the play list when things were really bad. The selection of music in it was just loud enough to drown out everyone's yelling and for them to not hear me crying my heart out.

Pressing play, I slid away from my computer and grabbed a few sheets, tangling them around me as I moved toward my safe space. I cowered in the corner of my room, letting the heavy beats sinking into my conscious.

Feeling the tears run down the sides of my face I thought of how twistedly proud Effy would be of me, sitting here in the corner letting my feelings out - unlike she had done at 14. I could tell she regretted the way she treated herself from the pleading looks she gave me that practically screamed _promise me you won't do what I did._

I obeyed her pleas, cherishing every single moment I had with anyone who would listen to my problems, realizing that if I didn't let any of my feelings out, I would be sent swiftly to the place Effy was retreating to once again. Like she had done when she was with Joe.

Joe. I remember it as clear as yesterday, even though I was about 8. It was her downward spiral - drinking vodka for breakfast, smoking nonstop, hardly ever sleeping. And all the while she couldn't see what she was doing to herself. Until it hit her hard and she tried to commit suicide. Of course mum and Tony pulled her back. They had always pulled her back.

I was pulled out of my reminiscent state by a voice.

"Don't you see what you're putting her through!" Effy's voice bellowed down the hall and through the door to my room. And then footsteps… running… towards me.

As I anticipated there was a loud, melodic knock on my bedroom door. It was something she and I had created as to let each other know that it wasn't anyone else but us. We'd told ourselves we would only use it when it was urgent, but we couldn't help ourselves and had ended up using it all the time. But I knew that at this moment it really was urgent.

I reluctantly got up from my warm embrace against the wall, slowly walking towards the door, not worrying about what her reaction would be when she walked into my room to see my bed covered in bloody tissues and used razors. When she walked in to see my arms covered in blood and tears running freely down my cheeks.

I knew what would be coming when she did notice everything – a long and meaningful talk about why I'd done it and all that shit. And I was finally ready to tell her. Over the past year, I'd kept so much of me away from her and now I was ready to redeem everything.

The knock came a second time as I slowly reached for the doorknob, turning it with as much grace as possible. A second before completely opening the door I glanced back at my blood strewn bed - _Fuck._

Effy looked tentatively into her sister's deep blue eyes as if looking into her own. The younger sister's face gave away her emotions all too easily. Effy knew she'd have to teach her a thing or too about stopping that

I stared back into my sister's gaze, realizing that she too had been crying, which wasn't normal for her. She took a step inside my room closing the door quietly behind her, before pulling me into one of those _Ill never let anything happen to you_ hugs. Reluctantly pulling away, her eyes darted around the room, pausing briefly at the blood stained sheets and the tissues and the razors.

The realization in her eyes brought tears to my own. Of course her first instinct was to pull me back into her embrace as I cried into her chest. She lifted me up and practically floated to the end of my bed.

Clearing a spot for the both of us to sit, she cautiously muttered into my hair, "We have to leave…" and then gently kissed me gently on the forehead. All I could do was curl up in her arms, like I'd done since I was 5 or so. She was more like a mum to me than Anthea had ever been. The thought scared me.

After a minute of silence and tears, I piped up the courage to ask. "Where are we gonna go Ef?" I silently prayed that we would go and stay with Katie, Emily and Naomi for a while.

As much as Katie and Effy had gone through, they were still friends. How? I don't know… but what I did know was that I loved her, Em and Naomi more than anyone in the world. Well, besides Ef.

After last summer we'd all grown so much closer, especially when Naomi had taken us all in as mum was being a self hating bitch and dad was just abusive. Yes, mum had recovered a fair bit since then and yes, we'd come back and told her we would stay, but she was going back to that state and Dad was pushing it as much as he can to piss her off. We just couldn't stay around that any longer.

"I don't really know…" replied Effy after yet another long string of silence. I could practically see the cogs turning in her brain as she racked for somewhere to go.

"Could we go back to Naomi's?" I blurted without thinking.

Effy's face lit up at the suggestion. Gina loved them being there, as did Emily and Naomi. But of course, Katie loved it the most. After her sister and Katie confessed their feeling for each other last summer, they were much more relaxed around each other, and seeing as her sister had smashed Katie over the head with a rock just over a year ago, she had found it rather surprising how quickly they trusted each other.

"Phoenix Jade Stonem - I promise you that we wont go anywhere you are uncomfortable."

Effy was the only one who called her by her full name. She whipped out her phone in one swift movement all the while mouthing something along the lines of 'Go pack a bag.' I obeyed, as always. As I shoved clothes into my country road bag, I couldn't help but overhear Effy's conversation with Katie.

"Yeah, dad's back" Effy said emotionlessly into the mouthpiece of the phone. I was used to seeing her hide her emotions all the time, but to Katie..? I guess she was on the phone, and they hadn't seen each other since Friday afternoon and this week HAD been pretty darn impacting. I could see why she felt the need to hide her emotions again.

"Do you think she'll mind?" She replied quickly, forgetting to mask the fear in her voice this time. Silence. And then "Ok... Cool... We'll be over in about an hour… Yep… Kay… Yeah, you too," Effy muttered, although her face quickly lit up as she pressed the little red hang-up button on the phone.

I felt a smile creep across my face, mirroring my older sister's.

"Naomi's?" the word came all too enthusiastically.

"Naomi's."

* * *

><p>We stepped inside with our bags and within a second I found myself being suffocated and lifted off the ground by Naomi Campbell's strong arms. God, I loved her.<p>

When Naomi put me down it was Emily's turn. Being shorter, she didn't have to pick me up, which was a relief as I didn't like being even slightly air born in any way.

After breathing in enough that I didn't pass out I instinctively turned to my right for a hug from Katie, but sure enough, they were already bounding up the stairs giggling to themselves

Naomi chuckled. "I guess we should stay down here for a bit then?"

I don't think any of us really gave that statement second thought. The sound of them shagging would be loud enough here – none of us really wanted to take the risk of being too close to them that our eardrums burst.

Instead we sat there watching SpongeBob for an hour or so until the love birds calmed down, and by that time it was about 11pm, and seeing as most of us had some form of work tomorrow, we agreed to sleep.

Knowing that there weren't REALLY any free bedrooms upstairs (as usual), I chose to sleep on the couch. I grabbed the sheets from the closet underneath the stairs, realizing I knew all too well were everything was kept.

I pulled the blankets up to my chin and let myself drift off to sleep, fearing what crazy dreams I would have.

**A/N:**  
><strong>So… first chapter done… EEK! Hopefully it wasn't THAT awful, haha. I wouldve gotten it up as soon as I finished editing because I found myself easily distracted by the noise my computer makes when sticky keys is on. The song I drew inspiration from at the start of the chapter is <em>Dancing Through Sunday<em> by AFI (just if you wanted to know). I thank lizardwriter for her amazing story _Changes_ and HyperFitched for her EQUALY AMAZING story _99 Problems _and I suggest that you read both of the, as I have taken a fair bit of inspiration from them. ALSO, I know from experience that my writing can be rather jumpy, so if you're lost or confused, just message me. Oh and since this is my first upload, please review :)**  
><strong>~Miki<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

CH2 – Welcoming the Dragons

**A/N: Brace yourselves.**

**Disclaimer – I do not own skins, but oh, how I wish I did**

I was running. All I was did was running. And I could hear Anthea calling to me. But did I really care? No. I didn't care. Nothing mattered as long as I was safe. The hill in front of me approached faster than it should've but as I got closer I realized that there were steps ascending to the top, leading into some kind of crypt. It looked safe enough, I guessed, so I kept running.

"JADE!" It was more of a strangled scream, a plea for help almost. Upon hearing it I tripped over the stairs. I attempted to get up but it felt as if from my knees down were screwed into the ground. Instead, I started to crawl. Crawl towards my temple of hope.

"JADE!" The voice pleaded again, sounding more demonic than last time. I forced myself to keep moving. "PHOENIX JADE STONEM, YOU COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

My heart froze. My mother. My self hating neglecting bitch of a mother had called me by my full name. It was enough for me to contemplate turning around. I gave into temptation, so wishing that I hadn't.

Staring back at me was a dragon - A vibrant purple dragon with deep blue eyes, much like Effy's, Tony's and my own. Its wings were never-ending fountains of blood, starting at gashes in its front legs (or arms… whatever they were.)

At noticing her majestic blood wings, my own arms tensed and I felt a warm sensation trickling down my arms. I looked into my own self inflicted wounds, realizing that the sensation was blood. My blood. Blood from the cuts I created the night I ran.

"Jade… Look at you… You're beautiful," Anthea's voice cooed into my ear in a demonic rasp. My blood was defying gravity, making its way up my arm and over my shoulder to the tip of my shoulder blades where they started to form wings of my own.

"NO!" I screamed back at her. "You did this to me! You pushed me here. Into this denial. You made me do this," I motioned to my arms, "You and dad. All of it's because of you."

Screaming at my own mother I felt myself transforming into a creature such as herself. Until I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder, pulling me back to my human form, retracting the blood back into my arms. I shivered at the contact.

In the exact replicated tone as earlier that night, "Don't you see what you're putting her through!" Effy's voice sounded so distant. She may as well have been standing behind our mother it was so distant. But she was here, standing next to me, the soft skin of her hand resting on my shoulder. It gave me the strength to keep moving. I scrambled backwards up the stairs, leaving them to their own little banter.

That time when I tried to stand, it worked. I kept running towards safety. Reaching the little crypt at the top of the hill, I plunged myself through the door. I heard a roar before the unmistakable sound of rock scraping rock. Turning in shock, I realized I was trapped in this enclosed space and my claustrophobia wasn't helping me to not panic.

I looked around frantically for another exit and did at least four 360degree turns until I found a staircase. It was littered with empty wine bottles, empty beer cans - empty everything to do with alcohol, not to mention dirty clothes. I was repulsive, but I had no choice.

At the top of the repulsive staircase was a single door. I pondered turning around and leaving but as I started to go back down the staircase, I heard the unmistakable arguing of my parents. I wasn't going to walk into that, no matter what the circumstances were. So I turned back and walked through the small door and was suddenly greeted with the warmth and familiarity of my bedroom.

The bed was still littered with tissues but something was different. No. Not something. EVERYTHING was different, everything but the tissues and razors on the bed. This was Effy's room, or my room with Effy's things… My room when it was Effy's?

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" the lisped voice was irritated.

Katie? What the hell was Katie doing in my, no, Effy's room? And why the hell couldn't I see her.

"Who is it Katiekins?"

Effy! Oh god no… please don't tell me I had walked in on them shagging.

"It's your fucking sister!" Katie's shrill bitchiness ran through my ears again.

Effy's head shot up from the other side of the bed, on the floor obviously, her hair sporting that 'Just got shagged by Katie Fitch' look, which was much scruffier than usual. I shuddered at the thought of them shagging on the floor next to the bed; where I had slept on many occasions. _Eugh._

She cocked her head to the side, like the slutty, mysterious Effy "Sweet," she whispered softly. Then she dropped the charade "Now clean up your mess." She motioned to the pile of tissues on my, god, HER bed. Her head disappeared behind the bed again.

And now I had to clean listening to them shagging. But there was no noise. I knew I would regret it later, but I leaned over the bed to check they were still there. But they weren't. Instead, I looked back to the tissues and started shoveling them into the bin as the room around me changed again.

Now Tony's room. And the first thing that came into focus was Tony and some girl. Tony making out with some girl against the wardrobe, pulling her shirt up. But this wasn't just any 'some girl.' It was Effy. 15year old Effy - being seduced by her older brother.

God no, this was wrong, I had to get out of there before I saw any more. I ran to the window, blocking out Effy's moaning as Tony drew delicate patterns on her now exposed torso. This was so fucking wrong.

I climbed over the ledge and propelled myself off the wall, landing on the grass with a soft thud. And again I was running, the blood coming out of my cuts once again, only because the air was ripping them open.

I found myself knocking on the door to Naomi's within a matter of seconds. She opened the door and I hurried in, only to find myself in front of the infamous 'Six Seater Table.' The FITCH six seater table, which had absolutely no business in Naomi Campbell's house.

The 5 fitches sat there contently, laughing amongst themselves calm. There was a break in the laughter, and they all turned to look at me, as if I didn't belong, like a foreign animal on a trade boat. There eyes bored into my soul as I felt myself crumpling beneath their gaze, breaking down into a fit of tears, screaming at not only them my surroundings, but myself as well. Until those firm hands encompassed my shoulders.

"Phoenix!" Effy's voice screamed in my ears. But it wasn't coming from anywhere near me and as I reached up to feel her warm touch on my shoulders, my hands felt nothing. "Phoenix, wake up!"

Everything shook as another voice entered the mix.

"What's going on? Is she okay?" it sounded concerned, but it wasn't familiar, at least not yet. But slowly – SLOWLY – all the voices became more distinguishable and the world around me started to fade. My face was encompassed by Effy's warm hands as I felt her wiping away tears that I didn't know where there.

I opened my eyes slowly, fearing that what I saw when my vision un-blurred wouldn't be the place I wanted to be in. But I was safe, and in the arms of Effy Fucking Stonem.

"I love you Ef…" I tried to squeeze out, but my voice was so hoarse, I could barely hear myself, which made me surprised when she replied.

"I love you too Phoenix… more than anyone in the world… and I promise I won't let anything happen to you." She looked close to tears, but held them back. Seeing me struggle killed her inside, and I believed that deep down, she knew she couldn't change my destiny – couldn't change what was happening to me.

"No… You can't… You can't make a promise… a promise you've… already broken…" I spluttered out between raspy breaths and quiet sobs. I don't even know where the words had come from, but somewhere in my subconscious, I knew that she loved him more than she would ever love me. They had something special, and I could feel it. But the thing was… did either of them realize that I had figured it out?

And Effy had to refrain from pulling me into the biggest hug. Had to refrain from telling me I was wrong. But she just couldn't bring herself to admit it to herself even. It was wrong, and we both knew it. I had to help her through this, but not yet. I had to face myself first. I had to understand if it was really true or a figment of my imagination or a memory.

"I… I'm sorry… I love you…" and with that, I got up and locked myself in the bathroom, avoiding Effy's eyes once again, as I knew they would just be filled with tears and the second I gave in, she would try to stop me.

**A/N:**

**Yes, ok, I know, this is a REAAALLY dark chapter, but it's just my way of letting you guys know – This is how fucked up this character is, and this is what her brain does to her. Things will get better before they get worse, but that's just life. Have already started on the next chapter and I am hoping to get it finished and uploaded sometime in the next 3 or 4 days, as I have rehearsals and school and such, but I WILL endeavor. Now… REVIEW! Hahaha, I love you all!**

**~ Miki**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Shedding the essentials.

Disclaimer – If I could own skins, my life would be complete.

The dream replayed vigorously on repeat before my eyes. It was an all too familiar scene. I had had it before, but this time something was new. The bedroom had replaced another part - the fear in that locked crypt. The fear when I would usually find my insides being pulled apart by something I would never figure out. But tonight I HAD figured it out, and it had thrown the whole thing off course.

I stared blankly at the beautiful lines of cursive blood I had created on my left arm. _loved._The blood poured out of the deep wound as gracefully as it had been written, flowing freely in a nonstop line. It was starting to pool around the bottom of my ankles, all over the grey and black checks that were supposedly tiles. But I didn't really give a shit to be honest. If I died right here and now from blood loss, I don't think I would care. It would most likely be a relief from all the thoughts swimming around in my head the last half an hour.

_She __loves __him,_I had told myself repeatedly. _She __loves __him __more __than __she __could __ever __love __me__… __And __in __many __more __ways __than __she __could __ever __with __me. __Why __can__'__t __she __see __that __I __love __her __like __he __does?__Why __can__'__t __I __TELL __her __how __I __feel?_ Statements, questions, countless thoughts – they had all brought me back to this pit of despair. What they had was different – special. Like twins born two years apart.

I couldn't figure out if what I had seen earlier that night was a memory or a fear or anything really, but I knew what it meant. It meant that as much as she said she loved me - more often than not she would deceive me by telling me I was the only one she loved – I knew it wasn't fully true. That no matter what happened, what Tony and Effy had was so different to what Effy and I, and certainly not a one way road.

I led myself to believe Effy didn't see me the same way as I saw her. It was safer that way. But it wasn't enough. I had given in to my attraction to Effy one night a few weeks ago.

_I __woke __up __screaming, __Effy __leaning __over __me, __hands __on __my __shoulders, __shaking __me __into __consciousness.__Acting __on __instinct __as __soon __as __I __regained __my __perception, __I __reached __up __behind __her __neck, __pulling __her __head __down __to __meet __her __lips __in __a __light, __but __passionate __kiss __that __just __wasn__'__t meant __for __siblings. __It __was __wrong. __It __was __so __wrong. __But __I__'__d __been __repressing __it __for __so __long, __I __couldn__'__t __hold __back. __She __was __the __one __who __broke __away, __looking __down __at __me __with __pride __and __fear, __realizing __the __longing __I__had __just __to __hold __her. __I __felt __a __round __of __fresh __hot __tears __streaming __down __my __cheeks __as __I __dropped __my __hands __from __her __neck._

"_I__'__m __sorry __Ef__… __I__'__m __so __sorry__… __I __shouldn__'__t __have __done __it __and__…" __I __was __silenced __by __her __index __finger __pressing __softly __to __my __lips. __Slowly __removing __her __finger, __she __leans __down __toward __me, __her __soft __brown __hair __barely __brushing __my __face. __A __second __later __her __lips __were __on __mine __again. __I __wrapped __my __hands __around __the __back __of __her __head __once __more, __allowing __myself __to __tangle __my __fingers __in __her __hair._

_Her __lips __were __soft __as __she __broke __the __kiss __once __again, __but __not __moving __her __face __more __than __a __centimetre __away __from __my __own. __I __knew __we __had __to __stop. __She __seemed __to __know __as __well, __jumping __over me to the __other __side __of __my __bed __and __tucking __herself __under __the __covers. __The __bed __stirred __as __her __right __arm __slid __over __my __hip __and __across __my __stomach __before __taking __my __hand __in __her __own._

"_Can we just… stay like this? For a bit?" I bit my lip, thankful that she couldn't see the relieved smirk on my face._

"_Yeah I guess… I'll make sure those dreams come back to try and get you," she giggled at the stupidness of what she said. My stomach dropped at her subtle cover up for wanting to keep me there in her warm embrace._

She loved me back. Not as much as she loved Tony, but she loved me back nonetheless. She wanted me to know. But like me, she just didn't know how to say it. And it was wrong. And she had Katie. And… god… everything was so confusing. I wished I could go back to that moment when I was wrapped in her arms.

The warm rush of blood still running down my arm as there was a rough knock on the door brought me back to reality.

"Jade…" the person let out a heavy sigh. I knew instantly that it was Naomi. "Jade, are you okay..?"

I panicked. "Uh, y-yeah, just… just give me a sec okay?" I looked around the room, my blood gleaming off the shiny edge of the razor I had used, my blood on the floor, my blood on my hands. "Fuck…" I muttered quietly to myself, but obviously not quite enough because Naomi responded again.

"Can I come in?" she started to sound more worried.

It's not like she hadn't seen me in this state before, helped me when I was in too deep in this same bathroom. "Y-yeah, I guess…"

The door opened slowly, revealing Naomi in all her blonde glory, in just an oversized band shirt and a pair of boxers. I could see why Emily loved her, why everyone else wanted her and why Effy and I loved her like another sister.

The realisation on her face hit me like a bullet to the chest. I couldn't be stuffed to stand up. She seemed to take this in and slid down the wall to sit next to me, removing the bloodied razor still in my hand, discarding it in the bin to her right, replacing it with her hand. Her eyes drifted down to my arm, reading the word which had been inscribed several times on my arm. Warm tears ran down both our cheeks as she pulled me into a tighter embrace, slowly rocking back and forth.

After several minutes of silence and rocking, the tension started building. "Um… we should… uh… clean this mess up, yeah?" I half whispered to her.

"Yeah… You start, I'll go and get a bandage for your arm, okay?" so sympathetic… sister material for sure.

I washed the excess blood off of my arm before rummaging through the bathroom cabinet to find a sponge or something. I was in luck.

I pulled the sponge from behind a bottle of shampoo and wet it a bit before scrubbing at the 'tiles.' I was just about finished when Naomi came back in with a bottle of disinfectant and a small bandage. I winced at the pain as she rubbed the disinfectant over my admirable handiwork. She wrapped the bandage around my knuckle, following it down my arm to the small freckle just underneath my elbow.

I was amazed at how well she had treated this. Emily was the trainee doctor after all, not Naomi.

"Go get some sleep Jade," she said softly, hugging me tightly.

She opened the door to leave but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"C-can I… Can I sleep with y-" I hesitated, picking my words carefully. "Uh… Can I sleep in your room?"

She had seen it coming and a smile spread across her face. "Yeah, why not? It'll be fun. Like a little sleepover party… thing. Emily's still awake so… uh… wait one second?" giggling slightly as she half ran toward her room.

A minute later she bounded back into the bathroom grabbing my hand and dragging me off to her and Emily's bedroom. "Just had to make sure she wasn't naked," nudging me in my ribcage and winking as she said it.

That's when it hit me – _I__'__m __living __in __a __house __full __of __gay __women._ This was going to be funny

**A/N:**

**Yes, ****I ****know, ****a ****bit ****shorter ****than ****usual (the computer is telling me its longer though, hahaha) ****but ****I****'****m ****too ****excited! ****I****got ****my ****report ****card ****today, ****and ****mum ****seems ****thoroughly ****amazed ****by ****it, ****so ****I ****get ****to ****use ****the ****laptop ****for ****a ****week ****(FINALLY!) ****which ****means ****I ****can ****write ****whatever ****I ****fucking ****want ****without ****her ****looking ****over ****my ****shoulder ****every ****5 ****minutes, ****which ****is ****pretty ****good. ****Anyway, ****the ****whole ****idea of ****these first few ****chapters ****was ****to ****really ****introduce ****you ****to ****Phoenix ****Jade ****Fucking ****Stonem,****and ****my ****goal ****has ****been ****reached, ****meaning ****the ****POV ****will ****now ****be ****changing ****(also ****worth ****a ****FINALLY!). ****I ****have ****some ****interesting ****ideas ****for ****the ****little ****sleepover, ****but ****let ****me ****know ****your ****ideas ****as ****well!****I ****shouldn****'****t ****ramble ****so ****much.**

**Oh and everyone – I'm going to see Spring Awakening tomorrow with my friend, and she's staying over that night and I'm going to a party on Sunday and staying at hers that night (Monday just happens to be my day off school :D so yeah, next update could either be tomorrow night or sometime next week. Hahaha. Anywhoooooooo – Tell me your ideas and REVIEEEW! You know you want to and it makes me extremely happy when you do. Bear it in mind.**


	4. NOT A CHAPTER

**NOT A CHAPTER!**

**A/N:**

**I cannot explain what I'm feeling to be dropping this story...**

**OK, so my mind has forbid me from writing any more of this as much as I want to. I've decided to keep going with "Happy Birthday" but it might still take a while to write. My mind has been entirely focused on my schoolwork and the RP. I do have some oneshots to post but they won't be up any time soon… presumably. Leave me some encouraging messages and I MIGHT get a few more chapters up for this, but I really don't know. Thankyou to those who have waited for an update, and I'm really sorry I couldn't give it to you.**

**~Miki **


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